REFRAME 8: Who Gets to Stay in Your Room
After the Breakthrough
Once I understood myself, I got to make a choice.
I could keep trying to fit into spaces that weren't designed for me.
Or I could choose who got to be in my room.
The Selection
Not everyone gets access to how I work.
Not everyone deserves it.
The people who were scared of me at AFSCME—they got a version of me.
A contracted version. A performed version. A version trying desperately to be palatable.
And they still didn't like it.
Then I started working with people who got it.
Who weren't looking for me to shrink.
Who were magnetized by the intensity, not threatened by it.
Who understood that neurodivergence isn't a liability—it's an asset in the right context.
Everything changed.
Not because I changed.
But because I stopped wasting energy on people and systems that were never going to meet me there.
The Boundary as Love
This is what people don't tell you about boundaries:
They're not mean.
They're not selfish.
They're the most loving thing you can do.
Because when you stop trying to be palatable for everyone, you actually have energy for the people who are magnetized by your fire.
When you stop performing for people who will never get it, you can actually lead the people who need what you actually offer.
When you stop shrinking to make others comfortable, you create space for the people who want to grow alongside you.
Who Stays
The people who stay are the ones who:
Don't need you to manage their emotions.
Don't need you to perform likability.
Don't need you to apologize for how you work.
Don't need you to translate yourself into acceptability.
They need what you actually offer.
Your clarity. Your intensity. Your direct communication. Your deep care about actual conditions, not optics.
And you know what happens when you work with people who actually want what you're bringing?
You stop questioning whether you're too much.
You stop doubting your own story.
You stop mistaking survival for strength.
You just lead.
The Question
Who in your life requires you to be smaller?
Who is magnetized by your actual fire?
What would it mean to protect the space for the people who get you and let go of the people who don't?
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