The Hidden Cost of Camouflage
How Masking Fuels the Burnout Trifecta
I once sat in a room full of leaders, nodding in agreement while silently screaming inside.
My face smiled. My body stayed upright.
But my nervous system was folding in on itself like origami in a hurricane.
This was what I had been taught to do: blend in.
Be agreeable. Don’t ask the weird question. Don’t show how tired you are.
Don’t be too much.
And for the love of all that is sacred, don’t say what you’re actually thinking.
That’s masking.
It’s the high-performance, hyper-social, keep-it-together strategy many of us—especially neurodivergent women—develop just to survive.
And it works. Until it doesn’t.
The Burnout Trifecta: Why Smart, Capable Women Crash
People don’t burn out because they’re weak.
They burn out because they’ve been overriding themselves for too long.
When you talk to high-capacity women navigating leadership, betrayal, and misalignment, you see the same pattern again and again.
I call it the … Burnout Trifecta:
1. The Perfectionism Loop
You over-deliver. You’re your own harshest critic.
You believe if it’s not 110%, it’s not worth doing.
So you keep spinning—chasing an invisible finish line while trying to outpace your own self-doubt.
2. Crisis Default Mode
You’re the fixer. The strong one. The one everyone leans on.
Even when the fire isn’t yours, you run in with the extinguisher.
You normalize adrenaline. And eventually, it becomes your baseline.
3. Identity Entanglement
You’re not just doing your job—you are your job.
Your worth gets braided into your output, your title, your usefulness.
So when you finally feel like collapsing, you wonder: Who am I if I’m not producing, solving, achieving?
And here’s the thing: masking feeds all three.
Masking Is More Than “Faking It”
Masking is the full-time performance of being palatable.
It’s using up your bandwidth to make others comfortable.
It’s second-guessing your words, mirroring behaviors, hiding your sensitivities, and toning down your instincts.
It’s presenting as calm when you’re unraveling.
It’s smiling when your soul is asking for silence.
This isn’t just emotional. It’s biological.
The cost of masking shows up in our bodies: exhaustion, sensory overload, panic attacks, and chronic illness.
And it’s not always conscious.
For many of us, masking has been survival—especially in leadership spaces that weren’t built with our minds or nervous systems in mind.
Systems Insight: Presence vs. Performance
There’s a leadership lie we don’t talk about enough:
That great leaders are always composed, always “on,” always able to say the right thing in the right tone with the right slide deck and the right energy.
But real leadership isn’t a performance. It’s a presence.
And masking—especially over time—pulls us away from presence.
We become more polished, less real.
More filtered, less felt.
More reactive, less rooted.
The result?
We build trust with everyone but ourselves.
And our nervous system knows it.
The Reframe: You Don’t Have to Perform Power
Here’s what I want you to know:
You don’t have to perform power.
You are powerful when you’re fully present.
You’re magnetic when you’re rooted. You’re trustworthy when you’re real.
And yes, the systems around us often make authenticity feel risky.
But every time you pause instead of perform…
Every time you let yourself be honest, imperfect, or quiet…
You reclaim a piece of you.
That’s what I’m here for.
To help high-capacity, burnt-out, masked-up women come home to themselves and lead from the inside out.
Let’s Talk About It
Have you ever found yourself “masking” as a leader?
Do you recognize any part of the Burnout Trifecta?
Could you drop a comment?
Or take a breath and name it quietly.
You’re not alone.
And if you're ready to explore how to unmask and rebuild from a place of clarity and power—reach out.
Or check out The Invisible Crisis in Women's Leadership: WHEN ADHD, MENOPAUSE, AND BURNOUT COLLIDE.
We don’t heal by pushing through.
We heal by remembering who we were before we got so damn good at pretending.
